Writing Prompt: 05/31/10

"Your phone rings. When you answer it, you make a startling discovery: the person on the other end is dead. What does he/she say and why are they calling you?"

Write for 15-30 minutes. My response will be posted 6/02/10.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Response to Writing Prompt 3/15

Here's my response to the prompt I twittered yesterday:



Caleb woke to a pitch black room. His heart was boiling in his chest and his breath rasped. He lay there in perfect stillness, trying to get his fear under control. There wasn't even a sliver under his bedroom door from the kitchen light mom usually left on.

There's something here, in the room with me! He could feel his clammy skin stick to the sheets through his undershirt. He lay there, listening to the stillness and the drumbeat from his chest. Ba DUM! Ba DUM! Except, if he were to try to describe it he'd have to say it was more BaDUMbaDUMbaDUMbaDUM!

His ears strained to pick up any sound in the dark blanket.

Gradually, his breathing slowed. The bolting horse in his chest slowed from a gallop to a canter, and then a trot. The twisted sheet in his hands slowly smoothed. There were times, even in a hot spring night, when a comforter might be a good thing to tuck yourself under. Times when you woke up in a silent scream from a nightmare you couldn't remember. He took a deep, quivering breath. The horse was walking now. He pushed the sheet down to his waist, feeling the soggy shirt cling to his chest. That must have been a good one.

He rolled over, onto his right side. Even though the cast had come off months ago, he still couldn't sleep on his left very easily. He folded the corner of his pillow under his jaw and shifted his shoulders. His eyes slowly drifted to half-mast.

Where's my clock? He thought randomly. Habitually a hard riser, Caleb had taken to putting his alarm clock on the far side of the room, hoping that it would force him to get out of bed in order to shut it off. Maybe then he'd be on time for school once in a while. Mr. Patterson had said if he was tardy again this quarter he'd lose baseball.

Beside him, in the darkness, the two scalding red eyes opened, and then narrowed their gaze onto him. His eyes snapped fully open in shock. As the sick fear scorched through him he felt the shameful hot wetness cross his thigh.

His hands flew out, right arm sweeping across the night stand, scattering wallet, iPod, and house key to the floor. His bedside lamp was also a casualty, smashing to the ground. In the glassbreak, the dying filament flared, a single flash searing the room.

His last terrified view in the lightburst was of rows and rows of naked, gleaming teeth.

Christopher Rivan

Virgins Slain, Dragons Rescued.
Reasonable rates for all budgets!




  1. And THAT is why I do not watch or read horror :) Don't get me wrong, I like danger and thrill and suspence and all that but true horror ? I'm too much of a 'fraidy cat. Unless of course I'm writing it and I'M the one who's in control ... things work differently then ;)

  2. The funny thing is that I usually don't, either. I mean, I've read some Stephen King (who hasn't) and seen a few movies, but for the most part I avoid that stuff.

    I hadn't read or seen anything horrorific in months when I had the night of mares. I don't think I'd even eaten Chinese food that night. It was just a bizarre series of compelling dreams.

  3. I used to ask people about nightmares all the time as I'd never (and still haven't) had one. I was amazed that someone's own brain would scare them. I for one have had dozens of dreams where I've purposely changed the direction, while sleeping, because I didn't like how it was going.
    So I've never had even a scary dream - I HAVE however had annoying ones... Just recently, (addressing your most recent post here)I had a morning of recurring dreams where I thought I'd gotten up only to discover I hadn't. Sooo, I got up, only to realize, yet again, I was still dreaming ... It was very frustrating!!! The last time was soooo real, I actually told myself, I didn't have to pinch my arm because I was SURE I was awake ... yeah, I wasn't.

  4. It's a good thing I read this in the morning, rather than late at night.

    Red eyes and gleaming teeth are not something one wants to see upon awakening!

    Good piece of horror writing here. And this is your first #fridayflash? Well, welcome!

  5. Good story, and it sure ends with a fright! Excellent description, and I especially like the bits of characterization sprinkled about. Made for a satisfying overall story.

  6. Great fiction! Wlcome to #fridayflash!

  7. Loved the rows of gleaming teeth and red eyes! Welcome to #fridayflash!

  8. You think maybe the kid is just imagining the boogieman in his bedroom, like all kids (nice description of that, by the way), which is why you're nailed when he sees the red eyes and rows and rows of teeth. Ooooooh, scary.
    (Thanks... now I have to go buy a night light.)